So we're 27 days into 2020. So much has changed but so much has stayed the same.
What doesn't kill you leaves you broken instead. If I heard anyone describe the previous year to me I'd look them dead in the eyes and ask, "How are you still breathing?" But when I look back I just shrug my shoulders as if it were nothing more than a minor inconvenience. Up until this point I don't think I've actually look at this situation from someone else's perspective. It is a miracle that my wife and I are still happily married and that I'm still standing and manage to smile even on my worst days. I thank my spectacularly amazing wife, my supportive family, my beyond loving friends, my wise mentor, and kick ass coworkers.
At this point I think I've spent enough time dwelling on and rehashing the past year. I've recently discovered a band called "Villain of the Story." In their song "Peace of Mind" there are a few lines that spoke to so loudly I almost broke down crying. "I'm done wasting away. This is the only way that I wll find, something near to happiness in this life. I can't remember that had any peace of mind. I fought for this I bled for this. There is no turning back now. Finally I'm able to see the place I"m meant to be. I'm done wasting away."
That's where I'm at in this moment. Actually come to think about it there are so many songs that have really spoken to me this past year. Slipknot - Unsainted, Slipknot - The Devil in Me, NF - Paralyzed, NF -The Search, Godsmack - Bulletproof, Dream on Dreamer - Don't lose your heart, and so many more. If I continued I'd likely break 5000 words. Needless to say, music is a huge part of my life.
Day 2
For the past few days I've been re-watching "The Magicians" and so far I'm en joying it. I realize that it's nothing more than a distraction, just like all the video games. A distraction from work, from writing, from exercising, from everything. So I'm attempting to do some restructuring of my time. so that I prioritize the things that are important and de prioritize the unimportant things. This is how I intend on getting my goals achieved. This isn't really one of those new year new me things. I've taken the past 2 years worth of shit and came out the other end better than I've ever been. I feel like I've been owning it at work and have been more on point than I think I've ever been.
My mental state is less volatile to myself than it's ever been and as weird as it is, for the first time in my life I'm actually happier with myself than I've ever been in my life. Apparently accepting yourself is a huge milestone in life. I realize and have realized for the longest time that I'm capable of pretty much anything that I put my mind to. I just need to have enough discipline to be able to make that happen. What I know right now is that I'm done wasting time. I'm done sitting still. I'm ready to take off at Mach 3 with my hair on fire ready to bring that fire to the world.
